I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
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There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.