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Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
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