You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.