I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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