I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?