I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We don't watch enough power rangers
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love