hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.