I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.