Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.