this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...