Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
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Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i need to put some appletini on your dick
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia