a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
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I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds