i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
