so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy