No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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