I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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