It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
