A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
