So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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