I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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