dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
