evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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