if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
