The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
