I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
