i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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