Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
