she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
