apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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