Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
