nut hugger
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
