Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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