Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
