im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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