Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
