If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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