He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
