Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
