The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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