is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
