I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
