if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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