Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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