I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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