Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
