he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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