omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she peed on how many people?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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