it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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