What a fucking waste of an outfit
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
