New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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