Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
