By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
