Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
