In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
