this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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