I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
