New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
