I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
