Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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