I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
