Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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