when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
