In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
