One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
