dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
