The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
