He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
