Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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