i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
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there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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