Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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