she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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