her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
