is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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