his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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